The Ultimate Test

I had started writing a blog last week but I wasn’t doing it for myself, I was doing it for someone else. So I decided to delete what I had written and start over. If I’m going to write about myself, I want to do it for me, from the heart and not writing to get attention from a person I shouldn’t have been getting attention from.

I have done things I’m not proud of and disappointed people I care about, I disappointed myself. But despite that, I came out the other side a better person. I learned new things about myself and my relationship with my husband is stronger now than it has been in a long time. Our spark was reignited. We fell in love all over again.

Mistakes were made but instead of letting them tear us apart they made us stronger. We are learning from them and know how to avoid making them again in the future. We decided to fight for each other instead of walking away like so many couples do these days. Marriage is hard and takes a lot work is something you always hear but until you’re marriage is brought to the brink of destruction you don’t really understand what that truly means. It’s when you’re ready to give up and walk away that the ultimate test of your marriage shows itself. Will you walk away or will you stay and fight?

That is the question I found myself thinking about for days…maybe weeks. I was so unsure of many things. It wasn’t until my husband looked at me and said, “I would murder everyone in the world just to be with you. There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.” that I finally knew what I wanted. I wanted him.

My judgment had been so clouded that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. True love.

We had drifted away from each other, lost our intimacy, it became a chore and not a privilege. We forgot what is was like to just be with each other, enjoy each other’s company, hold hands, hug each other. We let it slip by in the chaos of life with twins.

I was alone in the darkness searching for my way out, slipping further away, when I suddenly felt the hands that had saved me from this darkness years ago, pulling me back towards the light, saving me once again.